


Thunder Rolling

by Wolfcry22



Series: The Exhausted Mind of Poe [23]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Gay Poe Dameron, Hurt Poe Dameron, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Poe Dameron Has PTSD, Poe Dameron Hurts So Prettily, Poe Dameron Is A Mess, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Poe Dameron Whump, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Finn (Star Wars), Resistance, Sad Poe Dameron, Storms, The Resistance Era, Thunder and Lightning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:34:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27678836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfcry22/pseuds/Wolfcry22
Summary: A storm shakes the Resistance base. Finn stays up with Poe to make sure that he’s alright.
Series: The Exhausted Mind of Poe [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1605424
Comments: 1
Kudos: 30





	1. Shaking From Thunder

**Author's Note:**

> This piece is going to be just a little lighter than usual while still sticking with the heavy theme that is associated with this series. This story will be a lot of detail driven instead of just dialogue, but the second part will be a little longer and have more dialogue than the first. As always there may be some themes of PTSD that may be possibly triggering for those that have it so please be aware and adjust your reading accordingly.

A massive rumble echoed through the Resistant Base and was quickly met by another strike of lightning that shot down from the sky and crashed into the ground, dangerously close to one of the bunkers. Trees swayed in the wind as rain continued to pelt down in quick succession. The gray clouds turned the already pitch black sky even darker, if that was even possible.

Yet another crash of thunder rolled through the entire base and deep into the bunkers. Just the shake of it alone was enough to wake up Poe from his light sleep. He usually had trouble sleeping and staying asleep on the best nights, so it would've been surprising if a storm didn't wake him up. 

Poe's eyes were wild in alarm as he gazed around the pitch black room while his head snapped around. Like other bunkers there was no window, so Poe couldn't see what was going on outside; not that he needed to since he could tell by the rolling rumbles and harsh crackle that preceded it that it was a storm. He had been through plenty of storms on Ajan Kloss and knew what to expect. The logical side of his brain knew that, but the traumatized part did not.

Another harsh sound like a tree falling seemed to shake the entire barracks. Poe immediately threw the covers off of himself, not even trying to be quiet. He surged forward in alarm as he wrapped his arms around himself and shuffled forward in the darkness. He suddenly collided with something metal and fell forward, landing harshly on his shoulder. 

"O-O-Oh-no," stammered a frantic voice.

In Poe's mind, he knew that it was D-O; there was no one who sounded quite like him anywhere on the base, let alone in his room. He could hear D-O's squeaky wheel in the dark as he struggled in his newfound position. D-O stood upside down on his cone as he struggled to try and tip himself either forward or backwards to right himself. "H-H-Help." 

Poe rolled to his hands and knees as he crawled over to the wall. He felt the wall tremble against him and he could only think about a time when he had been pinned down at an old outpost with First Order troopers closing in. Poe had tucked himself under a piece of machinery as he heard the troopers' boots on the ground and could see the glint of blaster fire raining down around him. He curled almost into a ball with his arms over his head in an effort to protect his head from blaster fire or the crippling fear that the once proud building would crumble under all of the trauma that had been inflicted upon it. Poe was sure that he would be killed at best and captured at worst. He remembered hearing and feeling the rumble and shaking of the surrounding landscape around him and it reminded him of how the storm was shaking the bunker. 

"H-H-Help," D-O continued as his wheel spun madly in an attempt to tip him in any direction so that he wasn't upside down. "H-H-H-Help."

The mechanic and squeaky rolling of D-O's wheel seemed to sear through Poe's skull and penetrate his brain. His eyes blazed as he kicked out his foot and knocked D-O suddenly aside. The green and white droid rolled a few times before managing to catch himself so that he was upright once more. He rolled in a few circles almost dizzyingly. When he managed to catch himself, his attention turned to Poe as he noticed the pilot was pressed against the wall with his head drawn forward as he breathed heavily, slightly rocking back and forth.

"H-H-H-Hello," D-O questioned as he leaned his cone shaped head forward. He tried to catch Poe's eye in the darkness, but Poe's head was buried too much for him to be able to see. He leaned forward and poked his dome against Poe's shoulder in an attempt to rouse him. "Hello." He rolled back only to roll forward once more and continued to tap the front of his cone against Poe's shoulder. 

Poe was only partially aware that something was nudging him. If anything, it brought him back to the troopers nearing him. He couldn't help but groan as he tried to block out the nudging as well as the sounds around him from the storm. D-O continued to try and rouse him despite Poe's clear disassociation of the events that were going on around him. "Hello? Hello? Hello?"

Finn suddenly groaned when he heard another massive rumble from right outside the walls. He blinked weariness from his eyes as he tried to stretch out his arm to wrap them around Poe to bring him close. Panic flashed through him when he couldn't feel Poe and he instantly sat up in alarm. "Poe," he asked when he patted the spot to find it cold and empty.

This wasn't the first time that Finn woke up to find that Poe was gone. Usually he would be in the fresher crying or even vomiting if a nightmare was particularly disturbing. There had also been a few times when he had left the room in a dazed state thanks to the fear and jumbled thoughts that ran through him. Those had been the scariest times for Finn to not know where Poe was when he wasn't in his right mind. It would take him a while to find him and Finn would be on edge for the rest of the day thanks to it. He couldn't let that happen again. 

Finn sat up and turned his head toward the fresher and found that there was no light shinning from under the door to show that Poe was in there. Another harsh rumble echoed through the bunker, causing the walls to vibrate and desks to quiver where they stood. Once the rumble passed, Finn heard the sound of a strained whimper and groan as well as D-O's quiet and timid voice.

"Hello? Hello? Hello?"

Confusion surged through Finn as he still struggled to make sense of his tired and hazy thoughts. He propped himself up the rest of the way and slid over to Poe's side of the bed. He reached over, careful not to knock over a glass of water on Poe's nightstand, and quickly turned on the small lamp. It threaded the room in an orange glow that illuminated D-O's green and white plated body as he clustered closer to the hunkered form of Poe as he curled up almost in a ball with his knees brought up to chest and head down. D-O continued to nudge him almost like a creature while repeating the same place over and over.

Finn struggled to make much sense of it until he felt the room shake once more thanks to the storm outside. It didn't show any signs of stopping and had been going strong for most of the night. It was then that he saw Poe grip his fingers tighter against his forearms where his hands were rested. His groan grew louder until the sound of the thunder was replaced by pelting rain and howling wind. Everything seemed to fall into place in Finn's mind when he realized what was happening. 

"Damnit," Finn grumbled as he leaped from the bed and landed gingerly on the cool ground. It shot small tremors through his toes as he crept forward with the lamp casting a shadow in front of him. He came over to Poe and kneeled down beside him. However, before he even tried to deal with Poe, he needed to focus on D-O.

Finn thrust a large hand between D-O and Poe before the timid droid could force his cone-like head against Poe's shoulder again. "Hey, hey, what are you doing, buddy," he questioned.

"P-P-Pilot sad," D-O told him with a tiny tip of his head. "D-O help!"

Finn nodded in understanding as he sighed heavily, his shoulders slumping. That made perfect sense. D-O wasn't asking for Poe to help; he was offering to help Poe. "I know that he appreciates it, buddy, but I think that you can help him best by giving him a little space. Do you think you can do that?"

"S-Space," echoed D-O as he tipped his cone upward as if confused as to why Finn would ask D-O to give them something that was above them.

Finn silently cursed D-O's more than limited vocabulary. "Yes, space. You know, not so close to him. Just like how you don't like to be touched sometimes," Finn explained as quickly and cryptically as possible. He didn't want to tell D-O to get lost, but he couldn't have him hovering around Poe too much. "That's how Poe is. He's feeling a little overwhelmed and needs his space. Do you understand that, D-O?"

It only took a moment before the enthusiasm the droid possessed tried to shine through. "G-Give pilot space. D-O give space!" With that he rolled back over to BB-8 and his charging station, leaving Finn just a little surprised in his wake.

Finn nodded in surprise before turning his attention back to Poe. The General hadn't moved since Finn had sat down, despite hearing his voice and Finn shooing D-O away. That didn't exactly sit well with Finn.

He could tell this was going to be a little more difficult to calm Poe down than he originally thought.


	2. Bad Vibrations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn thinks back on how things have changed and what he could’ve done about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be very honest and there will be a heavy warning for potential triggering themes such as mentions of attempted suicide, depression, and other possibly graphic mentions. Please be aware and take that into consideration when reading. I wanted to give real insight into the mind and what can happen due to PTSD, depression, and other mental disorders such as disassociation and flashbacks. I’ve always wanted to keep this series as honest as possible and show the bad as well as the good. And this definitely continues to go with that theme. I hope you all enjoy!

Finn brought himself beside Poe so that he was sitting with his back to the wall. The back of his head rested gingerly there as well as he felt the coolness seep into his skull and alleviate the slight throb that he felt thanks to a tension headache that was beginning to grow as though a band was wrapped around his head. He couldn't remember the last time he had slept through the night or came any close to it. Finn would never tell Poe, but he did miss a good night's sleep just a little.

He quickly pushed those thoughts from his mind as he leaned over and rested his hand on Poe's shoulder. He felt Poe visibly flinch and he felt heartbreak ripple through him. He tried to push those thoughts away as he started to slightly massage Poe's shoulder gingerly to be able to rouse him. "Hey, hey, Poe you need to look at me," urged Finn gently.

Another powerful rumble sounded and Poe leaned even more forward. His grip on his forearms grew so tight that his knuckles turned white and his nails dug into his flesh. Finn could see beads of blood beginning to show as he continued to kneed his fingers forward. 

Finn reached over and tried to pry Poe's fingers from his arms so that he didn't hurt himself. "Okay, okay, it's alright. You don't like the storm?" It seemed so obvious to Finn at the moment. The vibrations that shook the bunker, the sound, and the sudden claustrophobic feeling were all good reasons that Poe was acting the way that he was. He was overwhelmed in numerous ways and it would be up to Finn to calm him down.

"You don't like the storm," Finn continued with his deep voice rumbling as he managed to pry Poe's claw-like fingers from his forearm before he could draw anymore blood. "Of course you don't. This is a rough one, huh? Makes it feel that the bunker is going to fall or something, right?" 

Poe didn't answer and Finn didn't expect him to. Finn would've been surprised if Poe could answer. He sighed as he realized that he would need to bring Poe from his disassociation before he did anything else. There was no use talking to Poe if he was too wrapped up in his own thoughts to realize that.

Finn suddenly grunted as he rose to his feet and walked over to their bed. He instantly grasped the blanket that usually covered them and swiped it from the bed. He carried it over to Poe and threw it around his shoulders. He started to adjust it so that it was over Poe comfortingly before lifting it over himself as well so that they were cocooned together with the blanket over their heads. Anyone else may see it as foolish, but Finn didn't care. If this would help Poe then that was all that mattered. 

Finn could still hear the storm outside and he wished that it would tamper off just for a bit so that he could speak to Poe or try to bring him from his own head and own experiences. Finn longed to know what was going on inside Poe's head, but right now he couldn't even get an answer from him. He doubted that Poe was even aware that he was sitting beside him. He certainly hadn't seemed aware when D-O was ramming into him in an attempt to help him. That showed Finn how far gone Poe was in this moment, which was happening more and more.

When Finn had first learned about Poe's trauma, he had been concerned, but he had felt like he could help Poe through it. He was positive that after a few days, maybe even a week, of talking and understanding then things would get better and they wouldn't have any issues anymore. However, that had not been the case at all. They were going on months of this and things were progressively getting worse. Finn was exhausted, mentally and physically. He just longed for things to go back to normal, and yet he wasn't even sure what normal was anymore. It had been so long since any sort of normal and he feared it would never go back to that.

Finn would never want to change Poe. Although, he did miss things that he and Poe used to be able to do and talk about before all of this. He remembered being able to joke playfully with Poe and go on long flights and debate aspects of the war. Now any mention of any battle could set Poe off. In fact, anything could set Poe off. It changed day to day and Finn never knew what he could or couldn't say, do, or even how he could look at Poe. It was very confusing and had him on edge nearly all the time. He had to be careful about touching Poe or setting him off in any way. He was constantly scared that Poe would do something quite drastic since he had threatened himself before when he was feeling exceptionally low.

Grief weighed on Finn as he thought about the time that he had walked into their room to Poe holding a blaster to his head. Finn had never been so scared in his life. It was then that he knew that things were worse than what Poe had told him or let on. That had been one of the main reasons that Finn had sought out Dr. Firn and the support group since it was clear that them doing things on their own wasn't helping. Finn had managed to talk Poe down, but he thought all the time about what could've happened if he had come in a minute or even a moment later. Would he had come in to find Poe dead with a blaster mark in his head? 

Finn shuddered just at the thought. That had been when he had taken things a lot more seriously. He knew that Poe's withdrawn tendencies and sadness was actually disassociation and depression. He had learned so many words for things and conditions that he knew nothing about. He had attended debriefings given by Dr. Firn on wartime sickness that played with the mind and transported the one in question to a much darker time. It was a coping mechanism that Poe's mind had employed to protect him and his sanity. Finn had also tried to read up as much as possible. He didn't have the strongest academic background, but he was learning how to read much better because he had to, for Poe. He did all of this without Poe knowing so that Poe wouldn't be embarrassed of it. 

Everything that Finn did was for Poe. He just couldn't let Poe know because the Resistance General was too proud to ask for help. He also got embarrassed easily and that could cause him to regress even more, if that was even possible. It was painful for Finn to watch when he saw Poe struggling in anyway. He threw himself into helping Poe every step of the way and sometimes he had to let him struggle. Finn could sympathize with Poe, but he didn't know exactly what he was feeling. He hadn't gone through something like this before. Sometimes he wondered if Poe would be better off if he gave up being Resistance General and went somewhere quieter with Finn to leave the war behind them. While Finn would've been open to that, he knew that Poe never would. Poe felt that he had a responsibility to the Resistance despite giving the cause everything that he had and more. He was doing this for Leia and for himself. There was no talking him out of it now that he had made his mind up about it.

Finn felt his eyes start to close when he heard a massive crash from outside. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end and he wasn't even the one who was startled easily. Poe gasped at the sound with his head darting up and his legs stretching straight out. His hands grasped against the harsh ground and seemed to curl into the cool metal. He still had the blanket thrown over his head, but he didn't seem to mind that. The sound was enough for everything else in his mind to fade away and just be replaced with pure, devastating fear. 

"I think that a tree fell," Finn announced to try and test how aware Poe was of his surroundings. Even if he did answer, Finn was afraid that it wouldn't last long. "Must've been a pretty large one by the sound of it. Hopefully it didn't land on any of the bunkers or ships. I'm pretty sure Rey would kill both of us if anything happened to that piece of junk ship."

Finn was trying to pull some sort of reaction from Poe. Sometimes Finn would try and pick a fight or say somethings that would rub Poe the wrong way, just to have Poe show some sort of emotion and lash out at him. It rarely worked because of how numb Poe felt more often than not. Only when severely pushed did Poe actually lash out at anyone. 

"Finn," Poe mumbled after a heavy moment. "What....." He trailed off as he shook his head gingerly as the blanket brushed against his hair. 

Finn couldn't help but smile, even though it was fairly dark under the blanket. "Do you remember how you got down here," Finn pressed. This was one of the best things that Dr. Firn had suggested as of late. Whenever Poe made his way from a flashback, whether with or without Finn's help, it was always encouraged to ask Poe what was the last thing that he remembered before the fight or flight part of his brain took over. It was a good gauge to see how Poe really was doing. 

Poe paused briefly as he lifted the palm of his head and rubbed it against his right eye. "Er, no," he answered tiredly.

Finn tried not to let the impatience show in his voice. "That's alright. I think that the storm woke you up during a nightmare. I woke up to D-O trying to help you." 

"D-O?" Poe blinked his eyes slowly. "I don't remember that happening."

Finn frowned in concern since D-O had been physically nudging Poe. The fact that he didn't remember something that drastic was alarming. However, now wasn't the time to completely interrogate him on it. "Oh, well, that's what woke me up. D-O was trying to help you by nudging you, but I'm not quite sure what he was trying to accomplish," Finn joked.

Poe didn't seem to get Finn's humor. If anything, it made him sullen. "Yeah, the storm," he continued as if forgetting what he and Finn were talking about. 

Before Finn could redirect him, Poe shifted over to Finn and rested his head on his shoulder before snuggling into the curve of his neck. His soft breath billowed from his nose and bathed Finn's neck, sending goosebumps up his spine. "Don't you think that you would be more comfortable in our bed," Finn asked. He knew that he would be more comfortable in their bed right about now.

Poe didn't hesitate to answer. "No, I'm okay here," he answered with a tired yawn. 

Finn bit the inside of his cheek to stop from saving something. His back was already starting to ache and he could tell that Poe laying there would make his arm go numb sooner rather than later. Yet, he was a complete softie when it came to Poe. "You sure," Finn inquired once more.

Poe let out a low murmur in an attempt to answer. "I'm sure," he breathed tiredly. "I'm sure." 

"Okay," decided Finn when he knew that arguing wasn't going to help either of them. This was one of the times when it would be best to let Poe win. Finn would wake up the next day no doubt in pain and yet that didn't bother him. All that he cared about was making Poe comfortable. He wasn't sure when he would ever take his own comfort into consideration again. For now that seemed like a distant want that would always be overrun by Poe's needs.

Yet, Finn wouldn't want it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was definitely a heavy chapter, no doubt about that, but a necessary one I believe to go along with the story. Showing all of the potential sides to PTSD has and always will be my goal. Thank you to everyone that has read this story and series and I hope you all are staying safe and healthy!


End file.
